Thursday, October 2, 2014

On Being Divorced -- part 4

{If you have missed previous posts included in this series of On Being Divorced, you can find them by clicking here.  Blessings!}

God's Mercies are New Every Morning.

Lamentations 3:22-23 "It is of the LORD'S mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness."

There's a promise to hang onto if I ever heard one.

Now, I'm not saying that mornings were easy -- far from it.  Many mornings I awoke with my stomach plummeting to my feet.  In fact, waking up was so painful that I hated to go to bed because I knew what would happen upon waking.  I usually stayed up so late that I only went to bed because I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer and I didn't want my children to wonder why mom never slept in her bed anymore.

Unfortunately, staying up late wreaks havoc with all your circadian rhythms, metabolism, the body's ability to heal . . . Of course, usually things look worse at night when you are all alone, with no one to pick you up off the floor (or the ceiling) or up and out of the shower you've been crying under for three hours. 

I'm just sayin'.  And I'm not exaggerating.


Life got easier when I plowed through the initial shock of waking up and began to focus on the blessings in my life.  Did it make the piles of paperwork go away? No.  But I could face the piles with a renewed strength.  Did it keep me from constantly reliving the day he informed me he wanted a divorce?  Yeah, um, not even a little.  Did it make comforting my crying children any easier? Yes, it did actually, because I could help them refocus too.

Knowing that God had faithfully carried me to that point, reaffirmed my belief that He would give me whatever I needed to get through the day.  I didn't always do it prettily or gracefully or without mistakes, but sometimes just surviving is good enough for that day.  May I say that again?

Sometimes, just surviving the day, is okay.

Time Does Not Heal All Wounds

It'd be nice.  Makes less work for us.  But it just ain't so.  You may scab over, stop sobbing and be able to talk about your divorce without wanting to punch the nearest wall, but that doesn't mean you are healed.  Anger and bitterness still need to be confronted, analyzed and then put away in order to move through grieving process.  The depression and bargaining steps still need to be waded through before you reach a modicum of acceptance.  Take the opportunity to learn what you can during each step so you can assimilate it and move forward.  That may have sounded trite, but believe me I know it's not -- I earned every bit of that myself. 

There will be days you feel you have been hurled back to square one.  It won't really be square one, but it will feel like it.  You will have dealt with anger and then something pops up and before you know it: up rears the ugly, green head once again.  Two steps forward, one step back.

Wash, rinse, repeat.

 I remember praying for just one day that wouldn't be steeped in frustration.  It was a long time coming, but it did reach me.  Some days I prayed to get through the next hour without thinking of my former husband.  After that happened, I prayed for an afternoon without thinking of him.  And on and on it went.  As soon as I hurtled over one small obstacle, I started praying for the next.  Usually, my prayers consisted of one word:  "Jesus."  And I prayed it a lot.  Multiple times a day, whispering His name and knowing He heard me.  He knew my heart's cry better than I could ever express it anyway.

I would have a great day and the next three would be horrific.  Then I was able to string two good days together and then three.  It is possible.  It's not easy.  It will feel like your life-strength is draining away from you, but you can do it.

So, if time doesn't heal the wounds, what does?  One answer:  Only God can truly heal.  If you've been through a divorce or are going through one now, the healing that occurs is because of Him -- whether you acknowledge it or not.  Take it from someone who's tried it both ways:  Acknowledging it is a much better way to live.

Yes, we were created strong and resilient, but we were never created to have to endure these kinds of hardships.  What God created in those seven days were perfect, complete, without blemish.  But sin wheedled it's way in, causing us to have to go through much more than we were meant to go through.  Divorce is not what He wants for us.  But He is sovereign enough and good enough and loving enough to make good come from our heart break. 

I can't promise that your former spouse will one day do a 180*.  But good can come out of your situation.  You might have to practice looking for it.  And then again, you may be so tuned into God that you recognize His love as it pours down upon you.  Let it rain, baby.

Let It Rain!

His mercies are new every morning and His compassions do not fail.  He is in the mending hearts business.  In fact, it's His main business, if we get right down to it.

And for that, I am truly joyful,

{for part five, please click here}

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