Recently, I read this post by my favorite author, Tosca Lee. In it, she reminds us that God is the God of the Unlikely. It's a simple, thoughtful post about how life sometimes turns out differently than you expect and how that can be such a good thing. To have my all-time favorite author pen words that have cut to the quick of my wonderings is a relief and an encouragement.
I've been reflecting on her post. I know that God is a God of miracles. I am evidence of that very thing, having been born three months early and weighing 2lbs, 9oz just over 45 yrs ago -- survival rate with those conditions was nearly unheard of at that time. (Good grief, I just announced my age to the www! Ack!). But Tosca has put it in such a way to make me think about this with a different perspective. I needed to hear this because to think of God as the God of the Unlikely, well, it reassures me in an area that I keep hidden from most people I know.
Why does it resonate? Well, I'll tell you. But I must warn you that it's about to get all personal up in here on the ol' blog. If you are at all squeamish about someone else's vulnerability . . . you may want to click out and wait for the next post.
I'm just sayin'.
I've never been a terribly confident person. There are areas, of course that I am confident and I feel good about. But overall, I am a bundle of insecurities. In fact, some days they seem to rule my every action.
Especially after my divorce.
That event took pieces of me that I am still trying to regain. It humbled me. It gave me a new, more compassionate perspective. It also lead to a deeper relationship with my Savior that I will never trade for anything: not even my old life back. Those are the good things I gained.
But I lost, for lack of a better term, "the fairy tale ending."
It was bound to happen. No one's life is a fairy tale, of course. It would be exhausting to live that way, anyhow, wouldn't it? After adjusting to the reality of married life, the piece of the fairy tale that I had left was growing old with my husband. The Bible talks about men cleaving to their wives and loving their wives of their youth. I lost that man. The man I thought I would grow old, fat and sassy with.
Instead, I have just grown old(er), fat and sassy. No use denying it. It is what it is, dear reader.
This has lead to my questioning the idea of ever growing old with anyone. Ever being the kind of person who will be accepted for exactly who I've become, baggage and all. The idea of having a best friend witness my life for all its ups and downs, wrinkles and vulnerabilities and still remain faithful; still love me anyway.
(Please hear my heart, this post is not a plea for compliments and reminders to be patient. It is an acknowledgement of a heart issue. )
Certainly, this is not the most important thing in life. There are many things of greater importance, of course. But it's a God-given desire and I am not ashamed of it, though it does leave me feeling terribly vulnerable to express it here.
So what am I taking away from all of this? I am going to hold on to the promise of Ephesians 3:20:
"Now unto him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us."
He is able. Does this mean I will find real, lasting spousal love? Not necessarily, because a spouse is not God's plan for everyone. But there is the promise of more, of better than what I had or cold dream of, the promise of faithfulness that my heart desires so much. And if that love only comes from God Himself, I am learning to become good with that. Content.
My God is a big God: The God of Miracles.
The God of Second Chances.
The God of the Unexpected.
And now, thankfully I realize
He's The God of the Unlikely.