With two years of homeschooling under my belt and a third well underway, I thought I'd heard every question that could possibly be asked of me in regard to homeschooling.
Until this week (see #10).
So, I though I would share the top ten questions you should never ask a homeschool parent. Unless of course, you are eager to watch their face melt into a puddle of goo all over your shoes.
It could happen. I'm just sayin'.
And then I will share with you my response if I lacked the same amount of tact each questioner has shown by asking these questions. Now, I understand that there are well-intentioned people out there who are genuinely concerned -- these answers are not for them. These answers are for those who are just down-right nosey. And mean. And, well, idiots. And if you are well-meaning and want to ask, don't. Please. I don't question what you do with your kids education, you don't need to question me about what and how I decide to educate my kids.
10. "So, you home school, right? I bet you wish you had all that money back you spent on getting that Secondary Education degree, right?" Perhaps this person thought they were being cute. I hope they weren't implying that anything I gleaned from my four year college experience is wasted on my children. And, yes, I bet we ALL wish we could have the money back in our pockets. College is an outrageous amount of money.
9. "Do you do school in your pjs?" Why? Are you jealous? I bet you wish you could get comfy at your job the same way I do and have. But no, I choose to get dressed each day. Now, please outline for me your morning routine. Double spaced, 20# weight paper with no grammatical errors. Due on my desk tomorrow morning after breakfast but before your morning devotions.
8. "What do you do all day?" Well, after I get up at 11am, surf the daytime talk shows and make a gourmet luncheon, I slather on a bottle of sunscreen and hit the golf course with my other homeschooling friends.
7. "Wouldn't you love to have your days all to yourself instead of homeschooling? I'd get tired of being around my kids all day long." A couple of days to myself would be nice once in awhile, but I'd have that feeling regardless of the job I had. Changing things up now and again makes you appreciate what you have. The fact that you don't enjoy your kids is a very sad thing indeed. Perhaps someone who can't have kids should take them off your hands for you?
6. "Wouldn't you rather have the time to clean?" Um, hello Ms. Downright Rude. Have you been to my house? Just what are you implying about my cleaning abilities? Are you offering your services? If I had my kids in school, cleaning would be the last thing on my to-do list most days.
5. "Since you don't have a job and are home all day, you wouldn't mind heading up the cub scout popcorn sale/babysitting/leading the litter clean-up crew/insert any and every job no one else is willing to do here . . . would you?" Homeschooling is my job. I am educating my children, but I am also teaching them to be compassionate, thoughtful, responsible citizens who love the Lord. It takes time, baby.
4. "Are you even qualified to do this?" Why yes, I am because I am a mature adult. I do the same thing you do when coming across a challenge. I seek help or figure it out on my own and do a lot of praying. How's your prayer life coming along?
3. "Guess you get to count running errands as field trips huh?" No, this is grocery shopping -- not as much fun and with fewer tactful people who decide that flannel pajama pants are acceptable outdoor wear.
2. "But you're gonna send them to a REAL school for high school right?" You mean the place where drugs are snuck in, alternative lifestyles are shoved down their throats, the faculty have their hands tied when an intruder invades the school, they are bullied by kids and laughed at by teachers for their beliefs? The place where they are shuttled like cattle through the hallways into classrooms and where the First Lady decided to hijack my kids lunch?
and the best for last:
1. "What about socialization?" I really have to work at making sure my kids are weird, unsocialized buffoons. What's your kids' excuse? Also: see #2.
Whew! Glad I got that off of my chest here so it doesn't accidentally pop out of my mouth in public.
Have any to add? Comment below and share your "I wish I could say this every time I get asked . . ." responses.
Counting it all snarky joy,