Monday, March 14, 2011

A Letter Addressed To My Sore Throat

Dear Sore Throat,

I know you want to become fast friends and I like friends. In fact, I have many of them. But I need to tell you as kindly as I can:

go away.

You can take your friends, the aches, the chills, and migraine headache with you, if you please. You are no good for me. You have made life much more difficult lately, even if that wasn't your intention. I have tried to give you the benefit of the doubt:  that you would only linger a couple of days and then we could happily say goodbye to each other as you depart, but it seems you have other plans.

Even the doc was taken aback at how strong and long you have lingered.  In fact, it seemed he could not write out the prescription - or get out of the exam room - fast enough.  See, he doesn't want to be friends either.

I have now added a powerful antibiotic to my repertoire of soft foods.  A girl cannot live on apple sauce and mac&cheese alone, as lovely as they are as a side dish on an occasion.  I would like to move onto other foods now.

I do not want you to rear your ugly head in the usual places any longer.  You are to stay away from the school where I work and the people's hands that I happen to shake.  I don't want to catch you on the shopping carts at the Wal-Marts either.

Our relationship is over.  It has come to an end.  Good riddance.

Counting it all joy (somehow),

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