After not very much thought or consideration, I am breaking up with you. I've had enough of your cold shoulder ways. Your frigid personality. The hoary white mess that follows in your wake. Honestly, I find you have very few redeeming qualities. My mind goes blank trying to think of any, even now.
It's not me, it's you - oh, it's definitely you. You make me miserable. Too many restrictions for my taste. I cannot wear my flip flops when you are around. Or swim in my pool. Or take the chickadees out for long, leisurely picnics. The sunscreen and shorts stay tucked away on a shelf in my closet, neglected. Neglect is a terrible thing, you understand.
Even the sun tends to hide when you are around. And I need the sun. Need, I tell you. Like a fish needs water. Like a bicycle tire needs air. Like a tennis ball needs a slobbery mouthed dog. You get the idea.
I think it's time I start seeing other seasons. In fact, Spring has been flirting with me recently. And I kinda like it. No, I like it a lot. A whole lot. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. Spring brings so much to the table. And I am ready to be served a banquet of blue skies, red tulips and a cool blanket of green grass.
Sorry to be so brutally honest, but I feel it necessary for the sake of being implicitly clear. There is to be no stalking and "accidentally" showing up places where you know I'll be. No late night serenades nor showing up on my lawn in the wee hours of the morning.
I Am Done With You.
Now and forever. Amen."