notes of jubilee

I am taking a lesson from Joanna at Bugs In My Teeth and posting "a funny" today. Some days you just need a laugh to get through.

It's day two of the snow day series here at the Jubilant household and we are all going a little bonkers. I didn't realize I had only one day's worth of emergency activities for snow days. Oops. And if I hear "I'm bored!" or "There's nothing to do!" one more time . . .

1. The roundest knight at king Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.

2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island,
but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

3. She was only a whisky maker,
but he loved her still.

4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because
it was a weapon of math disruption.

5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder
and got a little behind in his work.

6. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it'll still be stationery.

7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in
Linoleum Blownapart.

8. Two silk worms had a race.
They ended up in a tie.

9. Time flies like an arrow.
Fruit flies like a banana.

10. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

11. I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.
Then it hit me.

12. A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was,
a nurse said, 'No change yet.'

13. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

14. The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison was
a small medium at large.

15. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now
a seasoned veteran.

16. A backward poet writes inverse.

17. In democracy it's your vote that counts.
In feudalism it's your count that votes.

(Thanks PaPaw for sending this to my inbox. I needed the laughs today!)